“What do I text her?”… we’ve all been there.
It is a common misconception that the goal of approaching a woman you’re interested in is to get her phone number.
The truth is, a phone number means (almost) nothing. It’s not a date. It’s not even a guarantee that you’ll be in touch with her…
A phone number is a means, not an ends.
Your goal is to see her again. The number by itself will NOT take you there. Whether you know how to text her will largely determine whether you see her again.
The single best strategy for turning numbers into dates is to make a great impression. The specifics of the interaction – in particular, whether you explored and validated non-physical attributes of hers and shared some of yours – will largely determine whether she’s willing to stay in touch and meet again. Making definite plans to meet on a specific day or occasion is also a good idea. Then, the phone number becomes simply a logistical tool – a means of ironing out the practicalities.
“Whether you know how to text her will largely determine whether you see her again.”
Of course it doesn’t always work out that way. Maybe you only had a few minutes to talk and couldn’t build a lot of rapport. In that case, you need to put on your best texting fingers. The following principles on how to text her should help you maximize your chances:
- Text her within 24h. Time is your enemy here – the longer you wait the more she (emotionally) forgets you. No waiting-3-days-to-play-hard-to-get nonsense.
- Don’t bring up the date in your first text. This isn’t a business transaction. Ease into it, let her feel relaxed and comfortable talking to you, is laughing, etc. and she’ll be much more likely to feel good about meeting.
- Keep things short and light. Avoid anything overly emotional or serious. Leave the profundity for later. A lot of guys mess up because they did a good job face to face but don’t know how to text her in the same playful vein. Tease her on something you talked about. Refer back to the jokes you shared. This will bring her back to the pleasant emotional state you shared earlier. If she didn’t save your number, sign your message to avoid the dreaded “who’s this?”.
- Don’t know what to text her? Some good default first texts: “do you speak text?”; “I met this cute girl from X tonight and want to flirt with her. What should I text her?”. The idea is not for me to feed you “lines” that you’ll recite verbatim. These are merely training wheels to show you the playful, light mindset you should strive to apply to the interaction at this point.
“A lot of guys mess up because they don’t know how to text her playfully.”
- Gauge her interest by the length of her text messages, the thought she puts into them and how long it takes her to reply. Keep your investment at roughly the same level or below hers. Being over-eager and needy will annoy and turn her off. Flirting should be light, low-pressure, and fun for both of you.
- Let her teach you how to text her. Notice the little things she does that make you feel like chasing, then use them yourself. It’s not about manipulating or toying with anyone’s emotions. If one of you isn’t having a blast, it’s not being done right.
- If texting the girl you just met and barely know is the #1 priority in your life, then your life needs work… If you always reply instantly while she takes her sweet time, you’re communicating that you have no life. It’s not a dance unless you’re moving at about the same pace. If you have passions and interests, then texting her will be a fun side-thing and your subcommunications will come off perfect. If you don’t… well, go develop some and meanwhile… fake it til you make it. Don’t be too predictable. Try to mirror her response rate, or even take a little longer. Mix it up with the odd quick response. Vary the length of your messages. On occasion, don’t reply.
- Don’t get addicted to texting. It’s just a tool. Your goal is to get her out. If she’s responding well to texts, try calling her or suggest meeting. She wants you to move things along, otherwise she will be bored and drift away.
- What to text her depends on her circumstances and emotional state. When her messages are longer, carefully written and replies are coming quickly, that’s the time to pitch the date. She may even hint at it. If she’s busy, don’t be pushy, give her some space and try again later.
- If she doesn’t return your texts or calls, don’t ever get emotional about it. Messages like “Did I do something wrong?” are suicide. Asking “did you get my last message?” tells her that you have nothing else going on and are hanging on her every word (not attractive!). Stop texting for a while, then start again like nothing happened.
- Have a memory like a goldfish. If you run into a girl who stopped replying to your messages, don’t bring it up. Act like it never happened. Be upbeat and playful. Remind her (emotionally, not verbally!) why she should text you back.
And that’s how to text her!
Texting is a skill like any other. It’s impossible to improve without making mistakes. You WILL lose the interest of some girls. Accept it, learn, improve, rinse and repeat.