Gil Rio – Dating and Life Coach

Improve Your Dating, Flirting and Relationship Skills

Playing hard to get – The art of hot and cold

 

Playing hard to get is typically thought of as a female behavior. However, balancing interest with disinterest is a corner stone of flirtatious interactions and one of the best ways to build attraction.

We all like a challenge. It’s fundamental human psychology. Playing hard to get works because we want what we can’t have and appreciate things more if we have to work hard to get them.

playing hard to getThe main thing keeping men from attracting beautiful women is their mindset. “She’s beautiful, I desire her and I’ll do anything to have her”. This mindset pervades all of the interaction – every word and every gesture. Real life is not a Hollywood movie and exceptionally beautiful women are generally not won over by effort and puppy-like dedication.

 

Playing hard to get works because we want what we can’t have

 

The harder you work for a woman’s attention, the more you communicate your neediness and lack of female abundance and the more you push her away.

Women are attracted to confidence and status. The more women you have orbiting around you, the more she’ll want you. Paradoxically, the less you need her, the harder she’ll work to attract you.

Interestingly, many who spend their entire lives ignoring (or at least not applying) this principle, immediately switch to the opposite extreme upon hearing about it.

In fact, if you have the chance to observe men interacting with beautiful women, you will rarely see one that strikes a healthy balance between playing hard to get and showing interest, between hot and cold, push and pull.

Some show too much interest (or hot, aka pull), and others too much disinterest (or cold, aka push). They’re really two sides of the same coin, both stem from some level of insecurity at the root, and both will hurt your results in the end.

So how do you demonstrate interest without becoming needy?

 

Playing hard to get – the tools of the trade

Hot, or pull, can be shown via compliments, validating her characteristics and generally seeking rapport and being willing to share facts about your life and personality. In addition, touch is a very effective way to show interest. Watch the average guy talking to a stunning woman and you’ll get a quick lesson on pull. Uninterrupted eye contact, a silly smile on his face, eagerness to please and immediate acquiescence with her every word.

Cold, or push, is shown via teasing, active disinterest or disqualification and making her qualify herself. It can also be shown physically and, more subtly, by interrupting eye contact and generally investing little effort in the conversation.

playing hard to get

Approach the ice queen at a night club with boring chatter and you’ll get a masterful display of this skill. Fleeting eye contact, neutral facial expressions, body language facing away from you and effortless one-word answers.

If you’re all pull, most attractive women will be repelled by the excessive and undeserved interest. They see this all the time and it’s attraction kryptonite. You’ll get friend-zoned often because she feels “no chemistry”.

If you’re all push, women may be intrigued at first but will quickly lose interest. They’ll think you’re a jerk. Ultimately you need to possess attractive characteristics in order to be desired. Not wanting her (or pretending to) is not enough. You can’t play hard to get if you’re already hard to want.

 

The less you need her, the harder she’ll work to attract you.

 

A good balance of push and pull can generate massive attraction. So how do you achieve it? In general, you won’t need a lot of push. Think of it as the salt and pepper of the interaction. Sprinkle it in between the normal conversation; don’t overdo it.

Different girls and phases of the interaction will require different amounts of push (more push early; less of it later on) and ultimately you’ll need experience to learn how to calibrate. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Try, correct and evolve.

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Category: Dating Advice