Gil Rio

Improve Your Dating and Relationships

How to text her: You got the number. Now what?

“What do I text her?”… we’ve all been there.

 

It is a common misconception that the goal of approaching a woman you’re interested in is to get her phone number.

how to text herThe truth is, a phone number means (almost) nothing. It’s not a date. It’s not even a guarantee that you’ll be in touch with her…

A phone number is a means, not an ends.

Your goal is to see her again. The number by itself will NOT take you there. Whether you know how to text her will largely determine whether you see her again.

The single best strategy for turning numbers into dates is to make a great impression. The specifics of the interaction – in particular, whether you explored and validated non-physical attributes of hers and shared some of yours – will largely determine whether she’s willing to stay in touch and meet again. Making definite plans to meet on a specific day or occasion is also a good idea. Then, the phone number becomes simply a logistical tool – a means of ironing out the practicalities.

 

“Whether you know how to text her will largely determine whether you see her again.”

 

Of course it doesn’t always work out that way. Maybe you only had a few minutes to talk and couldn’t build a lot of rapport. In that case, you need to put on your best texting fingers. The following principles on how to text her should help you maximize your chances:

  • Text her within 24h. Time is your enemy here – the longer you wait the more she (emotionally) forgets you. No waiting-3-days-to-play-hard-to-get nonsense.
  • Don’t bring up the date in your first text. This isn’t a business transaction. Ease into it, let her feel relaxed and comfortable talking to you, is laughing, etc. and she’ll be much more likely to feel good about meeting.
  • Keep things short and light. Avoid anything overly emotional or serious. Leave the profundity for later. A lot of guys mess up because they did a good job face to face but don’t know how to text her in the same playful vein. Tease her on something you talked about. Refer back to the jokes you shared. This will bring her back to the pleasant emotional state you shared earlier. If she didn’t save your number, sign your message to avoid the dreaded “who’s this?”.
  • Don’t know what to text her? Some good default first texts: “do you speak text?”; “I met this cute girl from X tonight and want to flirt with her. What should I text her?”. The idea is not for me to feed you “lines” that you’ll recite verbatim. These are merely training wheels to show you the playful, light mindset you should strive to apply to the interaction at this point.

 

“A lot of guys mess up because they don’t know how to text her playfully.”

 

  • Gauge her interest by the length of her text messages, the thought she how to text herputs into them and how long it takes her to reply. Keep your investment at roughly the same level or below hers. Being over-eager and needy will annoy and turn her off. Flirting should be light, low-pressure, and fun for both of you.
  • Let her teach you how to text her. Notice the little things she does that make you feel like chasing, then use them yourself. It’s not about manipulating or toying with anyone’s emotions. If one of you isn’t having a blast, it’s not being done right.
  • If texting the girl you just met and barely know is the #1 priority in your life, then your life needs work… If you always reply instantly while she takes her sweet time, you’re communicating that you have no life. It’s not a dance unless you’re moving at about the same pace. If you have passions and interests, then texting her will be a fun side-thing and your subcommunications will come off perfect. If you don’t… well, go develop some and meanwhile… fake it til you make it. Don’t be too predictable. Try to mirror her response rate, or even take a little longer. Mix it up with the odd quick response. Vary the length of your messages. On occasion, don’t reply.
  • Don’t get addicted to texting. It’s just a tool. Your goal is to get her out. If she’s responding well to texts, try calling her or suggest meeting. She wants you to move things along, otherwise she will be bored and drift away.
  • What to text her depends on her circumstances and emotional state. When her messages are longer, carefully written and replies are coming quickly, that’s the time to pitch the date. She may even hint at it. If she’s busy, don’t be pushy, give her some space and try again later.
  • If she doesn’t return your texts or calls, don’t ever get emotional about it. Messages like “Did I do something wrong?” are suicide. Asking “did you get my last message?” tells her that you have nothing else going on and are hanging on her every word (not attractive!). Stop texting for a while, then start again like nothing happened.
  • Have a memory like a goldfish. If you run into a girl who stopped replying to your messages, don’t bring it up. Act like it never happened. Be upbeat and playful. Remind her (emotionally, not verbally!) why she should text you back.

And that’s how to text her! :)

Texting is a skill like any other. It’s impossible to improve without making mistakes. You WILL lose the interest of some girls. Accept it, learn, improve, rinse and repeat.

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Fear of rejection – the nemesis of dating

fear of rejectionIf there’s one thing that holds guys back when it comes to interacting with women, it’s fear of rejection. Anticipating the outcome and fearing the worst underlies approach anxiety, insufficient physical escalation, not making moves, etc. In short, all the reasons men lose women… It could be said that the #1 cause of loss of women is the fear thereof.

The main mistake guys make, which leads to the fear of rejection, is to set unrealistic expectations.

If you started learning French, you wouldn’t expect to become fluent after the 1st class.

Yet most guys approach an attractive woman with the tacit expectation that picking her up is the only successful outcome, and that anything short of that equals rejection and failure. Even if they have little or no experience! This is wholly unrealistic…

 

“Fear of rejection is the #1 cause of loss of women.”

 

Setting realistic expectations is the only way to stay motivated and enjoy the learning process.

If you’ve never approached a female stranger, don’t worry about her reaction, getting numbers or kisses. Focus only on practicing the basics. First, how to approach – the first 10 seconds. Then, how to continue the conversation. Then how to best communicate your qualities so she becomes naturally interested in you. And so on.

“Rejection” is like missing a note in guitar practice. Not only is it not a big deal or a failure, but it is a necessary part of the learning process. I’ve lost count of the times women walked away from me mid-conversation, refused to exchange numbers, didn’t pick up when I called or wouldn’t meet me. It may not have felt great at the time, but none of those “rejections” was a failure or demoralized me. Every single one taught me something.

In fact, I value the mistakes and the times I got rejected more than the successes and the moments of glory. It’s the wrong turns that teach you memorable lessons. If I hadn’t done it wrong (many times…), I wouldn’t have learned how to do it right.

So the next time things don’t go well and you feel rejected, see it as a natural occurrence, and an opportunity to learn. And approach another woman right away.

Another big misconception about rejection is that it is a temporary nuisance suffered only by the beginners and the unskilled.

fear of rejectionA lot of guys think pickup is a mathematical process. If you master it and know all the right answers, you can seduce any woman, single, married or lesbian. Like a hypnotic trance.

Unfortunately, this myth is propagated by the entertainment industry and by the fallacious marketing of some seduction “experts”.

The truth is that even the best in the world get rejected. All the time.

In fact, the better you get, the more you’ll get rejected.

That’s right.

The more experienced and confident you are, the more daring your approach, the more risks you take and the more sexual interest you demonstrate. As a result, your intentions are clear and women are forced to make a decision. Sometimes it will be yes, and sometimes no (or not yet…), but either way you know where you stand.

What determines how good you are is not how often you get rejected, but whether you fear rejection and, mainly, whether you let it affect you.

 

 

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